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The revealin’ of her panties wasn’t intentional or unintentional. She just didn’t give a damn. She saw me as so physically and sexually non-threatenin’, she didn’t mind if I got a bird’s-eye view of her Love Nest. It was the same to her as a housecat sneakin’ a peek.

I felt my pecker flutter once, like a pigeon havin’ a heart attack, then lay back down and remain limp and still. ‘Course these days even a flutter was kinda reassuring.

From Bubba Ho-Tep, one of the funniest little no-budget, no-release, small-cast movies ever, about an aging Elvis who, through a series of unfortunate coincidences, finds himself in an East Texas nursing home (along with the still-alive JFK, who just happens to be black), and can never get anyone to believe that he’s really The King.

Just got back from seeing Grindhouse, and I’ve come to two conclusions: Robert Rodriguez is just plain great, and Quentin Tarantino is a great story creator and very good director, but completely annoying otherwise.

Let me say up front- if you enjoy either of these guys’ past works, ignore any critics or naysayers who try to dissuade you, and see this movie (these movies) ASAP. You will LOVE it (them).

The main reason to see Grindhouse is Rodriguez’ Planet Terror. He shows us Sin City wasn’t a fluke. He’s really that good. This classic Zombie Movie opens great, it carries you along wonderfully, and if you listen closely to the dialogue you’ll laugh your ass off, over and over. Also, it’s made me a doting fan of Rose McGowan.

If you enjoy Tarantino’s “high- schoolers- trying- to- sound- witty” dialogue, you’ll love Death Proof. Otherwise, you’ll be bored out of your head until the car scenes. The old Chryslers are beautiful. But Kurt Russell inexplicably turns from a ultra-tough, merciless killer with the cool attitude of Dirty Harry into a screaming, whining wuss once a bullet grazes him. And suddenly his Charcoal Gray General Lee Charger, which easliy ran down the girls when he was after them (questionable with them supposedly in a 440 Challenger), runs like a K-car when they are chasing him. It’s as if Tarantino didn’t think the girls could take on the tough guy without his director-deity intervention.

The “Missing Reel” gimmick works perfectly in Planet Terror, but falls flat on its face in Death Proof.

Tarantino makes you nauseous with his attempt at creative camera work during the girls’ diner scene. And he overdoes it with the fake 70’s cuts and hiccups in the reels. He ain’t no Kubrik.

The Tarantino staples are there. Watch for the Red Apple cigarettes, etc. That’s pretty cool.

Final Tally:

Planet Terror (Rodriguez): 9 bananas

Death Proof (Tarantino): 6 bananas

You may have seen in my “favorite movies” list over in the left sidebar that Cool Hand Luke is in my Top 20. Heard today that Stuart Rosenberg has died. I have to admit the thing I’ll always remember about hearing this news on the way to work this morning is that the Bob & Tom show played “Strother Martin Does Stairway to Heaven” in tribute. I believe it was done by Tim Wilson.

Why did you tell that reporter all your secrets?

It’s complicated, and you’re too young to understand.

Mom says it’s because you have dependency issues, and it was only a matter of time until you threw it all away on some tramp.

Well, that’s one theory…

After wasting the earlier part of the evening on Clerks II, I’ve made up for it with Thank You For Smoking. Brilliantly written, well-acted, acceptably directed. Well worth the rental.